| and all of the angels sell off your soul for a pair of new wings |
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| whhyyy |
[13 Jun 2007|10:22pm] |
i'm so exhausted. i started this entry with "fuck everything" and was going to make a long list of things i wanted to say fuck it to, but then i was like, fuck that. too much effort. i just need to sleep, but no matter how many hours i get i wake up and i'm tired again. i spend way too much time feel indifferent, not feeling, saying my feelings don't matter. but if i even tried to tell you what it is i'm avoiding feeling i wouldn't have a clue. i either don't think it's important or i'd rather not think about it. fuck it. but i still have faith that some day i'll find what makes this all worth while. i'm not giving up. i'm just not sure where the finish line is, and instead of worrying about it, i'm just going to take a little nap here in the corner. someone wake me up when it's time. but if i tell you, in a half-awake daze, that i can sleep longer, that i have no where to be, don't believe me. i'm lying. i just don't want to admit it. i don't want to wake up yet.
everything is fine. really. i'm just antsy for no reason and it feels funny sometimes.
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| To: Robert Mintz |
[27 May 2007|04:27pm] |
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mood |
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 tired |
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I am the worst friend ever at this point. We keep semi making plans and then I never answer. About last time, the only excuse I have is that you called when I didn't have my phone on me and then by the time I saw your call I already had plans cause it was late at night and I'd forgotten by that time about our plans. (My memory is shit.) But that's not an excuse. I should remember these things. I should have called you. I've been a terrible friend. :(
And I'd call you now to hang out, but I'm taking the day off from doing anything. I need to be home and sleep and read and do nothing for a few days. My head hurts, I think from drinking so frequently. I'm sorry. I just need the day to myself. But I'm going to send you a text about hanging Monday or Tuesday or something. I'll write this one down. Sorry.
And hey, Eric Alvez. Bars!
Guess what I found! The thing we wrote for Kurzer's class with me, you, Danny and Paloma. It's so fucked up. Hahahaha. It's awesome.
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| doubt i'll keep posting, but maybe? |
[27 May 2007|12:25am] |
heeeey! i'll probably only write this one post and then another in a couple of weeks and then totally abandon this damned journal as always. but whatev. i wonder if anyone is still my friend on this thing. i wonder if anyone posts. i haven't even checked yet.
either way, i'm jumpin back on the wagon for a little to check out some communities for some random things, like crafts and vegan recipes and shit like that.
say hello if you're reading this. that'd be sweet. :)
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| kind of pathetic |
[12 Nov 2006|12:57pm] |
wasting away days to hear from someone who may or may not meet up with me. but at this point im thinking whats one day out of 100? but the clock is ticking and its getting later. and i dont know if this is going to happen. im going slowly insane. :(
id be much happier if he had just said, i cant meet you. atleast then i'd know.
i wish i had a phone.
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| then and now |
[11 Nov 2006|01:47pm] |
ive just spent the past ten minutes reading over what i wrote in my lj before i left. most of the entries are private, as i felt they were strange and petty and that i wouldnt want to bother anyone with them.
i feel so far away from all those feelings now. im so different from who i used to be. i still have issues, theyre just not the same ones. i wanted to run. id get the sudden urge to get in my car and just drive forever. im not saying that i was running from my problems, but im not denying it either. maybe this is just how im able to deal. maybe this is what makes me happy. maybe its okay to run away. maybe its okay to never want to come back. maybe its okay to miss home.
its a strange way to live, living this way. im happy to know that im never stuck in one place if i dont want to be. i can run. and i can come back. i can do anything i want really.
its been such a learning experience doing this.
and i still have so much to learn.
i love being alive.
its amazing.
<3
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| getting something off my chest |
[24 Aug 2006|01:03am] |
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FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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| i wish... |
[20 Aug 2006|12:22pm] |
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mood |
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 impatient |
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music |
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dio - rainbow in the dark |
] |
i was leaving this weekend. all you college kids are damn lucky. i just have to be patient, though. but i want to get out of here soooo bad, so it's hard. ::sigh:: 11 more days!
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| time flies... |
[08 Aug 2006|03:23pm] |
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mood |
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 blank |
] |
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music |
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pink floyd - comfortably numb (live) |
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wow. i can't believe it's already august 8th. most of you are leaving soon to college, and i leave to europe at the end of the month. crazy. absolutely blows my mind. i can't understand any of it. but it's cool. i can barely understand anything. that's why i am who i am. i just blow along like a leaf in the wind, never stopping long enough to be aware of what the hell is going on.
::sigh:: this living alone business is getting kind of lonely and boring. i can feel myself becoming a blob or a hermit or something. for those of you who don't know, which is probably everyone that reads this except for eddie and andrea, my mom moved to northern florida two weeks ago, so i'm just living in our old apartment til the end of the month. it's cool cause i can do whatever the hell i want, but it's also very empty and weird and i miss my mom sometimes. but she's got a good job up near her sister, so she won't be alone while i'm gone, and that's a good thing. it's just a few weeks now until the best three months of my life EVER! i can handle it. fucking wonderful. i can't wait.
anyways, really all i wanted to post on here was that i love you all even if i don't show it. i wish i could. i'm just a little crazy. i'm just so busy working and thinking about all the patterns and sitting here doing nothing that i don't get around to what i need to get around to. it's sad. but it's not because we're all okay somehow and soon you all will be moving on to that next step in your lives and it will be fucking fabulous. out of this world. and i will just be a memory of the good old days, and that will be enough for all of us because we won't live in the past. but we'll meet up for coffee later and talk about what we missed. okay? see you then.
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| asdfghjk |
[03 Aug 2006|10:27am] |
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mood |
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 exhausted |
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i want to talk about it,
but i can't.
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| aaaah |
[20 Jul 2006|12:05pm] |
time is running out.
DO IT ALREADY!
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| fuck life |
[11 Jul 2006|01:40pm] |
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mood |
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lazy |
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music |
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bob dylan - forever young |
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so yeah... i'm still alive and well. i've just been working, working, working. today's my day off though. today and tomorrow. i'm psyched. AND i'm really excited because tomorrow i'm getting my hair done, something that feels long overdue. but i'm going to try to keep the length as much as i can. the ends are fucked up though so i have to cut some. yeah, whatever. anyways, the real point of this post is...
I'M GETTING MY HAIR CUT TOMORROW BY THIS GUY THAT CUTS REALLY AWESOME HAIR, AND HE ASKED ME TO SEE IF ANYONE ELSE WANTED A CUT AS WELL, SO I AM. THE CUTS COST $50 FOR A GIRL AND $40 FOR A GUY. IF YOU WANT TO CHECK OUT HIS STUFF, GO TO WWW.MYSPACE.COM/TOMMYCUTS. HE GOES BACK TO NEW YORK SOON, SO THIS IS A RARITY. COME WITH ME IF YOU WANT TO LOOK TOTALLY AWESOME AND HIP. okay?
yeah, that's about it.
time is really flying by, isn't it? can you believe it's been so long since school ended? and i leave for london august 31!! that's pretty soon... well, sooner than it was when school ended anyway. man. life is one crazy masterpiece.
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[02 Jul 2006|11:14pm] |
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mood |
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anxious |
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what do you guys do to keep sane? i keep getting all antsy, and it's really getting to me.
-Edit:--------------------
mood: stoned :-P
RHINOCEROUS!!
(That's really what I wanted to write so that's the only reason why I have to really put this in here.)
No, but let's really talk here.
What's up?
How was your day?
Are you happy?
How do you feel about global warming?
Where do you stand on [insert issue]?
What to you hope to get out of life?
Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?
What's that sound?
Fill out the above survey! PLEASE AND THANK YOU!
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| dfhujhgfds |
[15 Jun 2006|03:08am] |
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mood |
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 frustrated |
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heee'sss sooooo hotttttttttt! aaarrrgggg.
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| woah, woah, woah |
[11 Jun 2006|11:01am] |
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mood |
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 happy |
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music |
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kimya dawson - the beer!!!!!!!!!!! |
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i'm updating again. i think it's about that time. i check this bullshit every day. i might as well say something to you people.
for starters, summer rocks my fucking world.
i was so damn busy during the school year, and whenever i wasn't, i was out with friends, doing my thang and i didn't get to rest up much. and they've been scheduling me at work so that i work 3 or 4 days and then have 3 or 4 days of rest. it's amazing. spectacular to the maximum. i sleep, eat, sleep, read, sleep, check my myspace and livejournal, sleep, eat. i don't do a damn thing. it's lovely. although i have been working the past few days (i'm on day 3, tomorrow's day 4) and it's a full moon so i've been out late and need more sleep. but it's all good. i'm up baking lemon squares and brownies for my humane society fundraiser later today.
for those of you who don't know about it, check it out at:
http://www.partylaunch.com/partyanimals/parties/index.cfm?e=spaghetti4safety
i'd make that a link if i knew how.
also, i would like to give a shout out to hannah, who is sleeping over my house tonight and coming to the drum circle. that's right, she is. we are going to have ourselves a damn good time, too.
another shout out goes to eddie, who is out traveling in south america. i love you kid. you're probably thinking/dreaming about me right now because you have that extra sense and you can probably feel my thoughts right now.
and last but not least, i want to give a shout out to dre, my one and only. enough said. i can't wait to see you later.
That is all for now. I'd say more, but I can never say much these days. And to all a good night.
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| what a crazy-ass bday weekend!! |
[29 Jan 2006|06:43pm] |
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mood |
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 crazy |
] |
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music |
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simon and garfunkel- bright eyes |
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this weekend was intense, i'm not gonna' lie.
i...
- hung out with a bunch of friends friday night, waiting for it to be 12 a.m., and downed a few beers.
- got a boyfriend?
- got my own room again! it's all hello kitty and absolutely wonderful!
- tripped on some good old-fashioned LSD.
- slept all day Sunday.
ah, what a lovely way to spend my birthday. i'm not gonna' lie, though, i missed my best buddy, Dre'.
i love you, girlie. feel better real soon so i can suffocate you with the big birthday hugs you deserve!
<3
fuck yea!
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